Sunday 27 September 2015

#DivorceDiaries: Episode 2 Sunday, 27th Sept (Full Story)

My name is Ismail Baballe, I am 40 years old and I would like to share my #DivorceDiarieswith you. I was married to Jamila Mustapha for 14 years before our marriage ended. I met Jamila to through a colleague of mine, Faisal. I was working at a bank then. I have always been a sucker for tall elegant women and Jamila, boy was she tall and elegant. I was at our Garki Branch and she was always there to bring food to her cousin Faisal. I loved watching her,
I found out that she was a student at University of Abuja studying Sociology. She was 21 when we met. Now I never imagined that I would someday be her husband. I was a young man in a big city with a good job and time to play. We went to Abacha barracks to eat fish and talk, we always had something to talk about in those days.

Jamila was an orphan, She grew up in her uncle’s house in Garki. As is usual she was the defacto maid in the house, when she came back from school she would be engrossed in house chores. She didn’t have a life. From school to home Shikenan, i was determined to be a bright spot in her day. At least if I took her out 3 nights a week she would have some fun. And that’s how we started. I would pick her up 3 nights a week after isha prayers to take her round the town. And back in the day there wasn’t as much to see in the city like the way Abuja is now. Pretty soon we were out of places to go. On the last day, just as I was about to drop her off, she said something that made me start to see her differently. She told me she wished she could spend her entire day with me, she said she always looked forward to seeing me. Hmm mission accomplished i started to see her as someone who needed saving, someone who should experience another side of life, A happy side. A week later i asked her out and we started dating. It just made sense that I should be nice to this orphan. It’s the right thing to do Jamila was a kind soul. And I mean that in every sense of the word. She was always kind to everyone, even dogs in the street. The closer I got to her, the more I saw how hard her life truly was. She was basically a lonely maid in that house. I had to rescue her, I had to save her hands from cracking due to Omo detergent and washing plates. I had to do something. And so out of a sense of duty, I told Jamila I wanted to marry her. I was sure it was the right thing to do. It was the proper way. She hesitated. She asked me politely if I knew what I was doing. I said I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t sure if I loved her at that point but I knew I had to be her hero. And she agreed. After taking about 3 weeks to think about it. I was very happy and I promised I would give her a good life. And so a year later we got married. Much to the dismay of her uncles wife and cousins. Their maid was gone now. Jamila was a domestic goddess! Yes my meals were always a wonder to ingest! Ga girki,ga kyau, ga biyayya. Allah had blessed me After 2 years we moved to Lagos when I was promoted by the bank. Jamila had finished her NYSC. Life was good. When we had our first son, I was convinced I had done the right thing by marrying Jamila. I doubled my efforts to make her happy 5 years went by and we had another son. I was still happy with my wife. But my wife was unhappy. Jamila wanted to start working. It’s not like I have anything against a woman working. I just didn’t understand why she had to. I mean I was raised to take care of my woman. I had been doing that from day one. Why would she go out there to be hustling ? I even paid her a monthly allowance just to assuage her but Jamila was adamant. It was the only thing she was stubborn about. Anyway grudgingly I allowed her to start working. She got a job at a private school in Lekki. I didn’t like it but I just allowed it. As she settled into work, I watched her try and juggle her domestic duties and I was amused. She thought she was superwoman abi? i wondered how she would manage the Lagos traffic with two young children and a husband and a house. But she was struggling After a year she got pregnant again. She told me she couldn’t cope anymore and she wanted us to get a house help to which I flatly refused. How can? When all these years she had done it without help? I wouldn’t allow it.

And so on our next trip to the north, jamila told me she wanted her cousin to come to Lagos with us. Jamila said she had just finished secondary school and would help her with the house chores while she waited for results And that’s how Maimuna came to live with us in Lagos. I must admit now that the first time I saw her something stirred in me Maimuna was an even better cook than my wife. She was so neat and attentive to my children. And she was young And when I say young I mean that part of a woman’s life when she’s blossoming and her beauty is innocent. So while I tried so hard to ignore the temptation in my house, my wife became more and more trusting of Maimuna. Even allowing Maimuna to clean my room and wash my underwear. Every time I brought it up jamila would say she was just training her It baffles me that jamila suddenly entrusted this Maimuna girl with everything in the house. Someone that had enjoyed taking care of me Now that I look back, I think Jamila genuinely wanted to train Maimuna. But you see these things never work out as planned. When results came out, Maimuna had failed her papers and would have to sit for the exams again. Jamila asked her to go back to Abuja I refused o. Where will I get delicious meals and a clean house from again? No Maimuna had to stay and that was final. After a huge fight, we eventually agreed to send Maimuna to jamb lessons in a miracle school nearby. The lessons were twice a week and that’s how my problems began. Jamila was constantly fighting me over every little thing. Something she never used to do before And Maimuna started being nice to me. After our fights, Maimuna would come and tell me yi haquri in the parlour. I was touched by the time our daughter was born Jamila and I were sleeping in separate bedrooms. I was pissed off. Someone I had saved from slavery? So because I brought her to Lagos she had the guts to talk to me anyhow and even fight me abi? I would deal with her.

To be honest I don’t recall the events that led to me sneaking into Maimuna’s bed. I just know that I started enjoying her company I started enjoying her company at night. When everyone was fast asleep I would creep into her bed. At first it was just us making out and nothing more. And at first the guilt suffocated me. But eventually I got used to it especially because my wife was still behaving like a militant. Fighting me every day and every night. And I must say this: for a girl who seemed innocent Maimuna wasn’t that innocent after all. Well our affair continued… And every time we fought, Maimuna would come and console me, in different ways. I was drawn to her One day I returned home from work to find that Jamila had sent Maimuna packing! You can’t even imagine how angry I was that day Na Samu ana kwantar mun da hankali kuma za a kora Mun Ita? Ai it’s not possible, Jamila told me that she had sent Maimuna home to abuja because she was getting too close to me. Can u imagine? I told her she was mad. That after all I was merely training the girl in a fatherly way. And there’s nothing wrong in that. Gaskia looking back now I’m not proud of the things I did to my wife. I went all out to punish her for sending Maimuna away I even went as far as calling out Maimuna while I was making love to jamila, just to spite her and drive her crazy. After two weeks I travelled to Abuja to find Maimuna. I told her parents I wanted her to come back so she could continue her education. Her mother told me no way! Because Maimuna had been accused of being a home wrecker, she didn’t want her to go back to Lagos Except she said, on one condition, that I would marry Maimuna and take her to Lagos as my wife . I said no problem But I told Maimuna’s mum I needed time to sort myself first. She said no all she knows is that I should marry her daughter She said I had already spoilt her daughter and no one else would marry Maimuna. Which kind of problem is this!? What would I do? How on earth would I be married to two cousins at the same time?Saboda Allah! I finally decided I would marry Maimuna and damn the consequences. I knew Jamila had nowhere to go anyway. She had to be patient kawai!

That’s how I married Maimuna. I knew from that day that I was in trouble. I just felt it And when I returned to Lagos with my new bride all hell broke loose. Jamila was belligerent She kept stoning us with tumblers and plates, refusing us entry into the house.. She embarrassed me thoroughly that day I thought Jamila would be meek about it. I thought she would be humble and accept Maimuna as my new bride. I was wrong that night I had to go and lodge in a hotel. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t do anything. That night I sent her a text issuing the divorce. That was the only honorable way to end this mess. My hero days were over. By the time I returned to the house Jamila had left. With my children . She had gone back to Abuja. It’s been 5 years since that day. I am still battling to see my children. And my parents have basically acted like I don’t exist and all for what? I didn’t gain anything good.

I lost my family and my reputation over nothing Maimuna has still not been able to pass her exams or settle down and become a dutiful wife. She’s always hobnobbing with friends Infact she’s always telling me that Ina kashe mata kasuwa and that I should divorce her. Of course I won’t. Thank you for sharing my#DivorceDiaries Hopefully you will learn one or two lessons from it.
aliyu muhammed
Twitter handle @insidearewa
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Credits to Jaruma Magazine

Remember this is a rebroadcastobtain from Jaruma Magazine Editor Fadimatu Zahra @jarumamagazine

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